Richard
Moore's Straight Talk Columns
Only
plonkers condemn the 'plankers'
31/5/2011
ISN'T
it mind boggling that in a world filled with economic woe, child
abuse, violence, thievery, brutality, bullying and poverty one of
the worst things people can do is lie face down in an unusual place?
Planking,
as it is known, has become the number one target of public concern
in New Zealand and Australia, where one guy did die when trying
to lie like a plank on a seventh floor balcony rail.
So
bad is this terrible social crime that Australia's PM has come out
against it and said people had to be responsible when lying flat
on their faces.
In
Queensland, a man was arrested for planking on a police car. The
Queensland rozzers aren't known for their senses of humour and charged
the criminal with being found on a police establishment without
lawful excuse. It was a car. And he was only lying on it.
At
least six people have been sacked throughout Australia for planking
while at work - usually lying between two desks or on the top of
shelves.
Schoolchildren,
there and here, have been bollocked by their schools for planking
and one recent example of a Tauranga Boys' High kid planking across
the rail line on The Strand was unanimously screamed down by all
and sundry.
Why?
Railway
lines are only dangerous if trains are coming and, as we all know,
even someone as thick as two short planks will get away from train
tracks when they know Thomas and Co are approaching.
But
now there is this wowserish outcry about being irresponsible and
endangering lives.
Back
up the truck guys.
It
is more dangerous to go for a late-night drink on The Strand than
it is to lie like a plank somewhere.
If
kids are planking and having a bit of fun, then surely that is better
than graffiti, or vandalising places around town. The craze is unlikely
to be around for very long and we should appreciate the fact that
in most cases people planking are not hurting anyone and are just
being creative.
I
may even try it myself.
Looking
at the internet the latest follow-up craze to planking is ''pillaring''
- where people stand at attention in public places and on objects.
Is
that also going to be branded dangerous and a societal evil?
Probably,
but only by plonkers.
********
SINCE
my brush with death from a heart attack three years back I rarely
introduce takeaways into my diet.
It
doesn't mean I don't eat them, but I pick my poison and limit the
number of times I indulge.
Apart
from the fact I'm too young to disappear off the Earth, I really
don't want to have those rather large needles inserted into my groin
again and so the likes of KFC, fish and chips, kebabs, meat pies
and pastries have gone on to the endangered list.
Sometimes,
when time is pressing, it could be a visit to the Golden Arches
or, more likely, I zip with the kids into Subway.
Very
rarely will I indulge in one of the big-name pizza takeaway brands
because you never quite know what you are getting in terms of fat,
sugar and salt within their offerings.
One
Domino's pizza customer, however, knew exactly what he was getting
in his meatlovers order when he opened the box to discover a white-tailed
spider getting ready to munch into it.
Now
they are vicious little brutes and I know of a few people who have
suffered very nasty infections and subsequent scarring from the
bite of a white tail.
Anyway,
Domino's did the right thing and gave the guy his money back and
apologised but you have to worry if the spider was an extra topping
... or the delivery man.
Any
of you out there who think I'm being mean about takeaways can take
comfort from the fact that there is also a bit of a worry on the
salad side.
In
Germany, 10 people are believed to have been killed by cucumbers.
No,
I don't mean them falling from trees or whatever they grow in, but
from E coli contamination.
And
it's not just in saurkraut land, several other countries have also
had deaths from reportedly toxic cucumbers.
Crikey,
maybe I'll risk cholesterol-riddled white tails after all.
*********
NOW
here is a big thank you to Inez, a teacher at Te Akau Ki school,
who went to the aid of a young fellow who had come a cropper on
his bike while cycling to college down Opal Dr, Papamoa. Thank you,
Inez, for taking the time to stop, make sure he was not too badly
injured, and calling his dad. I, and he, appreciate it.
richard@richardmoore.com
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