Richard
Moore's Straight Talk Columns
Dune
shenanigans an unsavoury sight
24/5/2011
WHEN
I was a youngster my biggest fear at the beach was getting water
up my nose.
Never
thought about sunburn, never thought about sharks - until Jaws -
and never cared about crabs, until one of the blighters actually
grabbed hold of a pipi-seeking hand.
Despite
the slight dangers, the ocean has a seasonless appeal with its waters
cooling in summer and spectacular after a winter storm.
If
rugged up against the elements a winter walk down Papamoa Beach
is an invigorating, cleansing thing to do.
You
also get to see a gentler side of life, with people having fun on
the sands. They play all forms of footy, cricket, build sandcastles,
leave messages for fancied ones, walk hand-in-hand with their partners,
sit and think about life or just stroll along breathing in the fresh
air.
Sometimes,
some people also get up to funny stuff on beaches. Usually it is
at night and - as long as it is discreet and not within ear shot
of an easily frightened fisherman - then I reckon it's okay.
However
in the middle of the day is another matter, as one poor jogger found
at Papamoa the other day. There he was, building up a sweat running
along the sand dunes - hope he didn't ruin any conservation work
- when, all of a sudden he got the shock of his life.
Before
his eyes were a pair of unclad chaps doing things that shouldn't
be happening near a public beach in daylight.
Shocked,
he called the coppers but they arrived too late to catch the miscreants.
Now
in that area of Papamoa, there is a nudist area where those sunlovers
who want to have their nether regions sunburnt can do so. They don't
want to come across unsavoury sights while walking to the beach.
Keep
it at home, Lurkers of the Dunes, or else we may have to start taking
the numbers of cars parked in that area of Papamoa Beach Rd.
*******
MY
favourite food when eating out is steak tartare.
Very
finely chopped raw beef, with capers, anchovies, dijon mustard,
raw egg ... OMG I'm drooling at the thought of it. To go with it
I love a drop or three of shiraz.
Did
I tell you what my favourite whine is?
It's
listening to farmers moaning about how hard done by they are.
Fair
dinkum, check out the bleating will you. ``It's too hot, it's not
hot enough, it's too wet, it's not wet enough, there's too many
cows, there are not enough cows ... bleat, bleat, baa, baa, blah.''
It
is eye-rolling stuff and to those who say ``farmers are the backbone
of this country'' I say this, they are not. They are the bleatbone
of this country.
Now
loath as I am to agree with anything a Labour MP says, I reckon
Napier-list MP Stuart Nash has a bit of a point when he reckons
farmers get off easy when it comes to tax. He reckons the average
dairy farmer pays just $1500 in tax, less than a couple on the pension.
I
don't know about you, but that sucks.
Nash
got his info from the taxman himself and the figures show that despite
a $500,000 payout from Fonterra, the average tax paid by the 17,000
plus dairy farms in these isles, was $1506.
Pensioners
forked out $3136, while Mr and Mrs and Ms Joe, Jo, Joh Average paid
$8000 in tax.
As
you would expect, Federated Farmers said farmers were paying less
tax because the average farmer made a cash loss.
Or
had very creative accountants, I say.
FF
went on to say that most farmers were in debt, with some forced
to borrow from the bank to buy groceries. Now I've heard it all
... our farmers are poor.
Crikey,
they'll be elbowing people out of the way at the foodbank next.
Someone
hand me a tissue please.
********
FROM
the land that brought us toxic paint on toys, Tiananmen Square and
melamine-flavoured milk, we have a new sensation - exploding watermelons.
In
Jiangsu province, somewhere in the middle of 1.2 billion people,
is a 50-hectare war zone where farmers run the risk of being hit
by flying melon pips.
The
melons are bursting because of the farmers' inability to read instructions
for their growth accelerator forchlorfenuron. Forchlorfenuron is
a legal drug - allowed in the US on kiwifruit and grapes - but only
when used in correct doses.
It
seems the Jiangsu farmers have been over indulging their plants
in the stuff, creating melons with thin rind and a new game called
Chinese Roulette - the aim of which is to see who can be hit by
the most rocketing melon seeds without suffering a fatal wound.
richard@richardmoore.com
|