Richard Moore's Straight Talk Columns

North Korea: Haven for despots and wildlife?

30/11/2010

HERE'S a little international quiz for you. Which of the following is correct?

North Korea's beloved leader, Kim Jong-il is: a) A maniacal tyrant with delusions of unlimited power; b) A despotic joke with bad hair who loves to sing Feelings at a karaoke; c) A jumped-up twerp who is, unfortunately, not that ill.

Now before you answer remember that the guy has a million-man army, backed up by another 8,000,000 heroes of the people in reserve, ready to fling themselves over the border at the hated South Korea and its imperialist backers - the United States.

He also has nuclear weapons and you can't rule out the lunatic will use them one day. After all, his nation kidnaps people from South Korea and Japan, they sink naval vessels from the South and, just this week, bombarded the living daylights out of an island because they felt they should.

When Washington and Seoul moved to hold joint war games off the South's coast, the pirates from Pyongyang promise all sorts of idiotic responses such as ``a merciless assault if further provoked''.

Of course they miss the point in that they are the aggressors, but that's probably lost in translation.

And I love their child-like view that the world believes the garbage they trot out. For example since 1974, North Korea has been caught out over four tunnels dug through the 4km-wide Demilitarised Zone (DMZ).

When fingered, Kim Jong-il squawked: ``They're coal mines.''

Funny thing is that no coal has been found in them, just black paint on the walls to make it look like anthracite - a hard, compact variety of coal.

As a military buff I would love to see their army try to cross the DMZ between the North and South and find out how many manage to survive the bazillions of mines laid there. It would make Guy Fawke's night look like a sparkler.

Now this is something I did not know. Have a guess where one the world's greatest temperate nature parks is.

If you thought it was in the middle of the Korean DMZ you'd be correctamundo.

Within the most fortified and dangerous place on Earth there is a haven for wildlife, including the extremely rare red-crowned crane, the white-naped crane, the rare Korean tiger, amur leopard and asiatic black bear.

In addition scientists have found almost 3000 plant species, 70 mammals and 320 types of birds. And the critters are thinking they are safe from harm ... if only they knew.

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HOW low can society fall?

Well this little snippet from TerrorNaki may have an answer.

A chap died and his body was discovered by a friend. Very upset by the episode he left, but returned about half an hour later.

During the 30 minutes he was away some nice folk had visited the dead man's home, grabbed the freezer and nicked his car too.

No one has been nabbed yet for the shocking act but hopefully when they are they get locked up for being true lowlifes.

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HAVE you ever wondered what you would do if fortune favoured you at someone else's expense and you were left with a huge bag of cash that no one could trace?

Would you be sauntering into the cop shop?

Or sneakily biffing the bag into the boot of your car and thanking fate for your good luck while heading for the airport?

Whichever of the above, it really doesn't pay to wander around with massive amounts of cash because if you ain't robbed, sure as eggs you'll misplace it.

Like the English pensioner who lost his life savings after leaving it in a plastic bag on the roof of his car and driving off.

The silly old codger had saved about $200,000 during his working life but didn't trust banks and so took his life savings with him everywhere he went.

Except that one ... very sad ... time.

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While many Americans are educated and clever - even from the ones who voted George Dubya Bush in twice - there are huge numbers of complete duffers there.

Take for example one sensationally named Ongley Raymond Ocon (the Third) who left a party in northern California and asked some coppers for a ride home.

The police officers asked if he was carrying anything illegal and Ongley said ``no''.

Unfortunately a search showed he had a pocketful of cocaine.

Ooops.

richard@richardmoore.com..